Self-management doesn’t start in the calendar – it starts in your head.

Sometimes the world seems like a telenovela following a really bad script: Cheating, conflicts, wars, disagreements, arguments and insults are the order of the day. It’s no wonder that many people want to avoid this “trash TV format” as far as possible, as we are also confronted with increasing stressors in the professional world that are increasingly putting us in “fight, flight or freeze mode“.

Many working women in particular experience this inner tug-of-war on an almost daily basis: the to-do list is long, the calendar is full and a guilty conscience is omnipresent. Between deadlines, care work, bad news, difficult managers, stressful colleagues and the growing inner demand to do everything “well” at the same time, to meet expectations and to go through life with reflection, our own well-being often falls by the wayside. Although everything “works”, there is a lack of inner connection – to yourself, to your own body and therefore to inner clarity.

The result is often an increasing feeling of emptiness, irritability, loneliness and/or mental exhaustion – a condition that psychologists describe as “sensory overload and decision overload”. In this context, the so-called overchoice effect means that we increasingly lose access to our own intuition when faced with too many options (digital stimuli, expectations, roles) (Iyengar & Lepper, 2000; Scheffel et al., 2022).

What helps is not a new method, an app or other miracle cure, but a change of perspective: away from constant doing and towards conscious being.

The five inner blockages that bring us out of (mental) balance

“The brain develops in the direction in which you train it.”

So if you’re particularly good at scrolling through TikTok and watching Netflix because you do it every day, you can be sure that your brain will get better at exactly these disciplines in the future.

So we must not forget that our repetitive actions influence our mental state, which in turn affects how clearly we make decisions, how we communicate with others, what we learn (or not) and whether we experience ourselves as effective. Five recurring blockages can be observed, which Shi Heng Yi also describes in a similar way in his TedTalk:

Sensory overload

Constantly checking messages, scrolling through social media or multitasking leads to constant distraction. Studies by Techniker Krankenkasse show that 30% of working people feel very stressed due to constant availability (TK Stress Study, 2021). Mindfulness training has been proven to reduce stress levels (Hölzel et al., 2011; German Society for Mindfulness, 2020) and should therefore be used in a targeted manner.

Irritability and emotional overload

If you notice that self-regulation is becoming more difficult with regard to your own feelings, you can breathe consciously and be aware of your own reaction before it happens, as this helps you regain emotional sovereignty. According to a study by the University of Giessen, emotional self-regulation can be trained – through targeted physical and breathing exercises (Kanske et al., 2017). So if you feel tense inside when you hear the news and would like to “hit the ceiling”, the good old trick of counting to 10 inside (or counting backwards if necessary) before giving in to the impulse of anger can really help.

Mental exhaustion despite sleep

This phenomenon is known as “cognitive fatigue“. Micro-breaks of just two minutes during the working day can significantly increase mental performance (Zijlstra et al., 2014). In this context, the Federal Institute for Occupational Safety and Health (BAuA) also explicitly recommends regular recovery times to prevent mental fatigue (BAuA, 2020).

Conclusion: Take your eyes off the screen from time to time, read a book, listen to a good piece of music or take a short walk, and if none of this is possible, use the toilet to stretch and give your eyes (and therefore your body) a break.

Inner restlessness

In a culture that focuses primarily on “results orientation”, it is difficult to really calm down. Studies by the University of Konstanz show that targeted single-tasking not only promotes concentration, but also reduces stress (Schmidt et al., 2021). After all, we all know by now that multitasking doesn’t work at all; instead, you simply open several “task tabs” and jump back and forth between them without really focusing on anything and perhaps even getting into the famous “flow” state.

Doubts and the feeling of never being (good) enough

According to studies, impostor syndrome (also known as impostor syndrome) particularly often affects highly qualified women (Bravata et al., 2020) and is a real problem, as it represents a further challenge on the career path of many women in addition to the structural problems that already exist. A study by Ruhr University Bochum confirms that self-reflection and recognizing one’s own successes can strengthen self-efficacy (Stark et al., 2022). Pausing for a moment and looking at what you have achieved today, this week or this month is therefore not an “ego act” in which you congratulate yourself, but a sincere reflection that makes us realize that “success”, whatever that may mean for each individual, is no coincidence and that the intermediate steps towards it also deserve recognition.

R.A.I.N.: A method for emotional self-management

Of course, we know in this context that long-established belief patterns are not simply dissolved now, but at least they can be counteracted with conscious mindfulness in order to consciously perceive the five blockages and counter them with confidence. In this context, the so-called R.A.I.N. method is particularly helpful in recognizing and dissolving obstructive patterns:

R – Recognize: Recognize what you are feeling right now – without suppressing it.

A – Accept/Allow: Accept the feeling and embrace it without judging yourself for it.

I – Investigate (with kindness): Ask yourself: Where does this feeling come from? Who or what triggered it?

N – Non-identify/ Natural awareness: Realize that you as a person are not your feelings. You have it – and you can detach yourself from it.

This method originally comes from mindfulness-based behavioral therapy (see Neff & Germer, 2013) and is still used today in stress management and trauma therapy.

How to train your mental strength – in everyday life and without pressure

If this method goes too far, you can also start to identify stressors subliminally and gradually let them go. Gaining mental clarity is not the privilege of a few, but pure mental training. It is not perfection, but small, repetitive rituals that make the essential difference.

The following micro-exercises can already help and provide a good introduction:

• In the morning: three conscious breaths while sitting, keep your eyes closed, be aware of your body (if you are familiar with yoga or meditation practice, you can also try a body scan )
• Before meetings: stand up briefly, shake out your arms, press the “reset button”.
• Evening: Reflect: “What did me good today – without purpose or evaluation?” For advanced readers: Keep a gratitude diary, because written thoughts are much more effective than pure, mental mind games.

These everyday rituals have a proven strengthening effect on self-perception and resilience (Kabat-Zinn, 2003; German Society for Behavioral Therapy, 2021) and are easy to integrate into everyday (work) life,

You don’t need more discipline – you need more connection

Inner strength does not mean controlling everything even more with trackers, plans and to-do lists and always striving to become more efficient. Instead, it means maintaining access to yourself in the midst of the external hustle and bustle. Presence, focus and self-compassion form the basis for remaining efficient in the long term – without losing yourself.

So the good news is:

“You don’t have to constantly reinvent yourself, but you can let go of what weakens you – and cultivate what strengthens you.”

Sources

• BAuA – Federal Institute for Occupational Safety and Health (2020): Mental health in the world of work.
• Bravata, D. M., et al. (2020): Prevalence, predictors, and treatment of impostor syndrome: a systematic review. J Gen Intern Med.
• German Society for Mindfulness (2020): Effect of mindfulness in everyday working life.
• German Society for Behavior Therapy (2021): Microinterventions in everyday life.
• Hölzel, B. K. et al. (2011): How does mindfulness meditation work? Perspect Psychol Sci.
• Iyengar, S. S. & Lepper, M. R. (2000): When choice is demotivating. J Pers Soc Psychol.
• Kabat-Zinn, J. (2003): Healthy through meditation. The big book of self-healing with MBSR.
• Kanske, P., Heissler, J. et al. (2017): Emotional self-regulation – what works? University of Giessen.
• Neff, K. D. & Germer, C. (2013): Self-compassion – The exercise book. Arbor Publishing House.
• Scheffel, K. et al. (2022): Decision overload in the digital world of work. Fraunhofer IAO.
• Schmidt, B. et al (2021): Digital multitasking and stress management. University of Konstanz.
• Stark, L. et al. (2022): Strengthening self-efficacy through reflection methods. Ruhr University Bochum.
• TK – Techniker Krankenkasse (2021): Relax, Germany – TK stress study.
• Zijlstra, F. R. H., et al. (2014): Mental fatigue and working memory performance. J Occup Health Psychol.