Who hasn’t felt this way? You’ve accomplished so much, and yet you’re already rushing toward the next goal—because, after all, they’re already waiting: the next steps in your career, the higher revenue target, the KPIs (key performance indicators) you need to meet. And somewhere in the background of all this inner noise and the endless to-do list, we all hear that constant whisper and the same words over and over again:

That’s not enough yet.

The McKinsey report *Women in the Workplace 2024* shows that about 60% of women in leadership positions reported frequently feeling burned out in recent months—the highest figure in the past five years of the survey.¹According to a representative study by Pronova BKK, 61% of German employees feel at risk of developing work-related burnout, an increase of 11 percentage points compared to 2018.²

What these figures don’t show is that many of these people appear to be very productive on the surface. They organize, accomplish, lead, and delegate—and in the same breath, they lose something that is just as important as the strategic thinking that guides them daily through the turmoil of everyday work life. The feeling of truly living—and not just being carried along in a never-ending loop of repetitive experiences.

1. Why Small Moments Make a Bigger Difference Than Major Achievements

Let’s be honest: When was the last time you simply enjoyed a moment without thinking about the next task at the same time? Many of us are still answering emails during dinner, listening to self-improvement podcasts on the side, and even on vacation, we feel like we have to be productive. That’s not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign that, at some point, our daily routine stopped feeling like our own life.

The research on this is clear: Satisfaction is less often the result of achieving major goals than of the way we perceive our everyday lives. Our brains don’t store individual events, but rather the emotional states we associate with them. That’s why it’s often not the major successes that change our sense of well-being, but the small moments that we actually notice and appreciate.

In a longitudinal study, neuroscientist Britta Hölzel was able to show that even an eight-week mindfulness training program brings about measurable changes in the brain, specifically in the areas responsible for managing stress and emotions.³

Mindfulness doesn’t mean you have to sit on your yoga cushion for 20 minutes every day, enter a deep meditation, and ponder the meaning of your existence. A peaceful morning, a genuine conversation, a moment away from screens, cell phones, and the like—these are small moments of mindfulness that act as a daily “reset” for your brain.

Added to this is a factor that’s often underestimated: anticipation. Studies show that the greatest moment of happiness during a vacation often isn’t the vacation itself, but the anticipation leading up to it. The brain releases dopamine even before those wonderful moments have happened. This means that if you stop looking forward to the little things, you lose one of the most effective ways to boost your well-being. So instead of looking forward to a vacation every few months—which might not turn out to be quite as relaxing as we imagined due to heat, crowds, or flight cancellations—it would be much more effective to focus your attention on the little joys in your everyday life. So it definitely makes sense to strike up a conversation with your neighbor or take a walk through the park with your favorite coworker after lunch, because the positive “afterglow” usually lasts the whole day.

2. Compare Less, Be More Present: How to Find Your Way Back to Yourself

I see this happen time and time again, even in myself: While we compare careers on LinkedIn and consume other people’s lifestyles on Instagram, we very easily lose touch with our own lives (and sometimes with reality as well). Our own business suddenly seems too small. Our own path too slow. Our own life not spectacular enough.

The Leibniz Institute for Media Research in Hamburg has studied the effects of social media use on us: It is social comparisons that trigger dissatisfaction and stress—and the more unattainable the person we’re comparing ourselves to seems, the stronger these effects are .⁴ So what you see is never another person’s reality; it’s a carefully curated summary—the “best of” their experiences.

In this context, sociologist and motivation researcher John Izzo surveyed 15,000 people about the foundations of a fulfilling life. His finding was surprisingly simple: What helps us achieve inner peace most of all is not greater success or more options, but knowing what matters most to us and having the discipline to live and act accordingly.⁵

So you could say: Sometimes inner peace arises precisely when we stop trying to keep every door open at once and instead focus on the one mental door that has “My Life” written on it in big, bold letters. Ultimately, I only walk through this one—even if, as I pass by, I do peek through the others just a crack.

3. Why Fewer Options Often Make Us Happier

Interestingly, to stick with this metaphor, knowing about the other doors often doesn’t help us make confident decisions. The more options that open up to us, the harder it becomes for us to make a decision that we can stand by in the long run. We often believe that more options mean more freedom, and more freedom means more happiness. But research shows the opposite.

In his work on the paradox of choice, psychologist Barry Schwartz describes two types of people: “maximizers,” who are always looking for the best option, and “satisficers,” who make a good decision and stick with it. Conclusion: Maximizers are demonstrably unhappier, more frequently plagued by regret, and more prone to perfectionism.⁶ Constant optimization costs more than it’s worth.

Maybe you recognize yourself in this. I, for one, felt a little caught out while reading it: Maybe I should take a chance on a new business model after all? Move to another city and lead a different life? For my part, I’m able to distance myself more and more from this world of endless options. The problem isn’t the desire for change, but the constant state of inner negotiation with oneself—one that constantly calls into question even the things you already have and are satisfied with. If you never close that mental back door, you’ll never truly settle into your own life—and from there, you won’t be able to continue on your path.

4. Your thoughts are not your identity

Imagine if a close friend talked to you the way you sometimes talk to yourself:

“You’re not successful enough, not far enough along, not productive enough. Everyone else is further along than you.”

Most people would end this friendship, and yet we allow ourselves to endure this inner monologue from our inner critic on a constant loop.

The Federal Institute for Occupational Safety and Health found in a study that confidence in one’s own ability to take action acts as a significant protective factor against burnout. At the same time, women exhibit significantly more pronounced depressive symptoms than men, a finding that is closely linked to how they deal with self-criticism.⁷

Our brains produce thousands of thoughts every day, and by no means all of them correspond to reality. For decades, psychology has distinguished between a thought and its interpretation as a fact. Not every inner comment is a valid signal. Some thoughts are simply noise that needs to be turned off so it doesn’t become a constant hum.

Anyone who learns to speak to themselves the way they would speak to someone they care about—with kindness and realism—regains their inner capacity to act, and this isn’t a matter of self-love as a concept. It’s more of a very practical decision that one makes here.

5. Why Happiness Usually Comes When We Stop Looking for It

These days, there are apps, journaling routines, morning rituals, and mastermind groups that all promise the same thing: more happiness, more fulfillment, and more inner peace—if you just use the right method. I say this without irony, because I use some of them myself. But here’s the thing: When you try to “optimize” your happiness, you often end up with the opposite result.

Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist and one of the most influential thinkers of the 20th century, summed it up:

You can’t chase happiness; it has to happen naturally. It’s not a goal. It’s a result.⁸

And, of course, this insight applies in a holistic sense—including in one’s professional life.

In a study involving more than 1,500 respondents, IST University found that only about one-third of German workers are completely satisfied with their jobs, regardless of how much they accomplish or earn.⁹ So performance alone does not protect against dissatisfaction—but what does?

People who seem truly fulfilled don’t follow some abstract strategy for happiness. They focus on things that give their lives meaning: projects that challenge them, genuine relationships, and moments that feel alive. Contentment arises as a side effect of a life focused on meaning, not as the result of constant self-improvement.

6. The Underestimated Factor in Happiness: Genuine Connection

The world’s longest-running study on happiness—the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which has been ongoing for over 80 years—consistently reaches the same conclusion: The strongest predictor of long-term well-being is not income, not status, and not career success. It is the quality of our relationships.¹⁰

It’s not the number that counts, but the quality. People around whom you don’t have to put on a show, but can simply be yourself—because they don’t care what title you hold or what status symbols you acquire. Ideally, they just want to be around you, value your opinion, and share their lives with you.

People who set excessively high standards for themselves in terms of performance and perfection, in particular, tend to equate independence with strength. Doing everything on their own, not needing anyone, and never asking for help are the benchmarks they hold themselves to. It’s as if it were sacrilege to show that you need support or simply don’t know something and have to rely on the expertise of others.

Ultimately, however, we are all social beings and not meant to be strong on our own indefinitely or to struggle through life in survival mode. Success without genuine connection eventually feels empty and meaningless, because there is no one with whom to share it. So it’s definitely worth pausing here and there on life’s journey, reaching out to others, savoring the little moments, and always keeping this in mind: Lasting happiness is an illusion, because true contentment only arises when we click the “off button” on our online devices and allow ourselves to simply be present in the moment.

Conclusion

Perhaps true contentment doesn’t come from constantly trying to push ourselves to do more.

Perhaps it begins at the very moment we stop constantly comparing our lives to other possibilities—to other careers, other ways of living, other versions of ourselves.

A fulfilling life rarely feels perfect. It feels real, with all its contradictions, unresolved questions, and consciously chosen priorities.

And now, here’s the question I’d like to leave you with: Which of these six points do you feel most strongly in your own life right now? And what’s one small, concrete step you could take today?

And perhaps that is precisely one of the most courageous decisions one can make today.

Sources & Studies:

1. McKinsey & Company / LeanIn.org: Women in the Workplace 2024 ↩︎
2. Pronova BKK: 2023 Work Study (Representative Survey, n = 1,204, 2024) ↩︎
3. Hölzel, B. et al.: Longitudinal Study on MBSR and Changes in Brain Structure (2011) ↩︎
4. Leibniz Institute for Media Research, Hamburg: Social Comparisons on Instagram (2024) ↩︎
5. Izzo, J.: The Five Thieves of Happiness. Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2017 ↩︎
6. Schwartz, B.: The Paradox of Choice. Harper Perennial, 2004 ↩︎
7. Federal Institute for Occupational Safety and Health (BAuA): Depression, Burnout, and Cognitive Deficits—Studies of Employees (Research Project F2318) ↩︎
8. Frankl, V.: …Say “Yes” to Life Anyway. Kösel-Verlag, 1946 ↩︎
9. IST University of Management: Study on Happiness at Work (n = 1,519) ↩︎
10. Vaillant, G. / Waldinger, R.: Harvard Study of Adult Development (longitudinal study conducted since 1938 by Harvard Medical School) ↩︎