Life time is precious – and it’s up to us how we use it! In a world full of screens that constantly demand our attention and consumption, it’s easy to lose focus and get lost in endless scrolling. But this is precisely where the opportunity lies: instead of letting ourselves be distracted by digital stimuli, we can actively choose to fill our everyday lives with inspiring experiences. This way, time flies by when we are surrounded by new impressions or motivating activities. We should try to breathe more surprise and motivation back into life – and that starts with living more consciously and welcoming the unknown with open arms.
I’ve been scrolling through a flood of shorts suggested to me on YouTube for about 25 minutes now. I’m not really thinking about the content, I’m enjoying the entertainment, knowing that other people are making a living with my time and attention. My reward system is really kicking in, even though my to-do list on the second screen with the silent request to finally get on with my business is literally jumping out at me.
It’s becoming increasingly difficult for me to immerse myself in the virtual world because you either have to consume or produce. This is so exhausting on many days that I prefer to give my brain the easier option and switch it to energy-saving mode, although my “future self” will probably not be very happy about this. After that, I’m often one of those people who complain about “time poverty”. If this term is new to you, I can recommend a fascinating article on this subject by Tamara Niebler, a graduate philosopher and freelance journalist.
What I don’t need are abbreviations
Well, I’m not yet ready to listen to podcast episodes on the fly or skip the supposedly “unimportant” parts in exciting videos because the message builds up too slowly. As a scholar of literature and linguistics, I am also reluctant to read Schiller’s “The Robbers” merely as a summary, to add all kinds of shortcuts to my life in order to reach my destination more quickly or to play games with corresponding cheat codes. On the other hand, I like to get lost on vacation or in my own city. This creates space to discover new things and expand my local knowledge. I also venture into unfamiliar professional networking spaces to get to know exciting people who broaden my horizons and make me think.
However, I admit that I find it difficult to close my eyes to shortcuts and take the steady, patient path, especially in a business context. A friend advised me to generate a “positive mindset” and to reflect on myself more often with Post-Its on the bathroom mirror and by journaling. Of course, I know this is all true, but these tips sound to my ears like someone telling me to try and stay dry in the shower. I’m not an “affirmation person” who catapults themselves into a new state of consciousness with wise sayings. My brain dismisses these words as irrelevant half-truths. Instead, I ignore phases of demotivation with targeted “doomscrolling” and binge-watching. This results in me getting lost in the world of social media for hours on end and having to struggle to get myself to put my phone aside and finally do something “productive”.
Sleepwalking in the hamster wheel
When I talk to people around me about this, they are often surprised. After all, I am an entrepreneur and anyone who has found their “purpose” shouldn’t suffer from demotivation, should they? Well, the unvarnished truth is: training, consulting, giving talks, interacting with people, etc., all of these things give me an incredible amount of pleasure. Content creation, on the other hand, is less so, because the work often feels like playing roulette. It makes my brain question itself almost every day:
- Does anyone here even read this article?
- To what extent did your content really add value?
- With all the auditory alternatives, who is interested in your podcast of all things?
- Who reads at all in a time when short video formats are the new television?
When life is a series of meaningless events
I come across people almost every day who seem to be standing on the sidelines of their own lives, watching themselves as life plods along. I too had once reached this point, where I only looked towards the weekend and longed for my next vacation. People like this laugh at the so-called “habit gurus” who preach to them that they should adopt good routines in order to lead a reflective and structured life. Their daily lives often feel like one big routine. They “function”, is the common refrain. The consequences can include stress, poor sleeping habits, an unhealthy diet, lack of exercise and much more. be The Leisure Time Monitor published by the Hamburg-based BAT Foundation for Future Studies in 2023 also gives us some revealing insights into where there is still some catching up to do. Social media is one of the most common leisure activities (for the first time since 2022) and, quite honestly, I can’t blame (myself) or anyone else, as this has little to do with a lack of self-discipline or self-control. It has much more to do with the fact that our brains don’t like one thing in particular: work (= use of energy).
Accordingly, it is much easier to turn on the big or small flicker box in the evening, because here the principle of “repetition and reward” including dopamine release is guaranteed. It’s more difficult to get yourself together and, like me, write an article about why you shouldn’t do this.
The magic of the unknown
Of course, not every day can be a “highlight”, you have to be realistic here, but I am firmly convinced that it is not so much the bad news or the daily to-dos that tire and demotivate us, but rather the predictability of life that makes it difficult for us to develop anticipation. When we go to a magic show, we know of course that the tricks are rehearsed and yet we allow ourselves to be enchanted at will. We don’t know exactly how it works in detail and so we look forward to the surprise. In this context, Hanna Winterfeld also published an exciting article onthesubject of “The psychology of surprise” in the Süddeutsche Zeitung in August 2022 and on her website.
As a young woman, I thought that life was just such a magic trick: there are some parameters that are “fixed”, so I always wanted to study and live in a larger city (even if not in the middle of it) and, in the best case, with an inspiring partner at my side. There were still the many “unknowns” that could provide a moment of surprise: People I met during my studies who had a significant impact on my life, books, podcasts and films that had a lasting effect on me, places that still move me today and became oases of inspiration.
So if the fascination of this article continues towards the end, I hope you have the strength to push aside negative thoughts and think about where you can create space for the “unknown” in order to draw new motivation and inspiration.
The magic formula here is: Do something that you would not have done under “normal, predictable, planned and absolutely boring circumstances”. Watch a movie you would never have watched otherwise or pick up a book whose author is completely unknown to you. Call someone you haven’t spoken to for a long time, write a letter or get on your bike and see where your instinct takes you. Think of these ideas as impulses, some fit, others don’t.
Away from the sidelines, into the game of life
It’s important to invite the magic back into your life so that you don’t look back at some point and ask yourself: what actually happened in the last 3 weeks? A practical tip I used before writing this text here was to go to my Notion Board and look at what I have already experienced this year. I just fill it with some pictures and some descriptions and that already helps to realize that I have done/experienced more than creating content and entertaining the community, which probably also sees my content as an escape from their own lives from time to time.
Notion was not my first step here. I actually managed to keep a gratitude diary for 5 years and before you laugh and click away from the article: That was an absolute gamechanger. I wasn’t self-employed during that time and I started it when I asked myself one day at the train stop whether it made any difference at all whether I showed up at work or not.
I knew I had to change my focus because this thought left me with a lot of bad feelings. I admit, it took me over a year, because as I described earlier, I find it quite difficult to “program” my brain on something that it considers too insignificant.
After about a year, I realized that I could no longer ignore the positive things I was seeing:
- A grandmother holding her grandson’s hand and teaching him how to cross the road.
- A little girl who spent minutes chasing a red balloon across the city center that she just couldn’t get hold of.
- Even the dandelion on the side of the road began to fascinate me as it managed to fight its way up through the concrete in the most adverse conditions, often reminding me of the beginnings of my entrepreneurship journey.
- The numerous bees and bumblebees searching for nectar in the lavender bushes
All in all, no “special” events that had a significant impact on my life and yet were unexpected enough to make me pause for a moment in my hectic everyday life. There is also a fascinating interview with Dr. Lehr, Professor of Health Psychology and Applied Biological Psychology at the University of Lüneburg, about the effects of gratitude on our body and mind.
There are even more subtle ways to find out how to invite surprise and motivation back into your everyday life. If certain values, such as your “freedom”, are important to you, you could ask yourself what you have specifically done for this value in the last 6-12 months. You could also look at your bank statements: Which expenses leave you feeling bad and which ones do you think were completely worth it because they enriched you and your life? For me, such exercises were more effective than a calendar saying on the bathroom mirror, as the rational half of the brain had something to do and could draw its conclusions from this.
You can open the cage if you dare to question your beliefs
In this context, finance is a particularly rewarding topic for me when it comes to motivation, because financial education and independence can certainly help you escape the predictability of your professional and personal life more quickly.
I always find it fascinating when people I know complain to me that they feel trapped because of all the financial responsibilities they have. I myself grew up in an apartment, shared my room with my sister until I moved out and went everywhere by bus or on foot. Was that always pleasant? Certainly not. Have I still been able to develop morally as a person? I hope so. At least I think that when you don’t have much, you learn very quickly to be humble and grateful for the positive changes in your life.
So admittedly, I can’t muster more than a tired smile when someone tells me that two cars, a house with a garden and the annual summer and Christmas vacation are necessary for the family and in the same breath complains about the costs, especially since it has been known since the 2020 study by the Institute of Labor Economics (IZA) that buying a house is “primarily an emotional decision – and not necessarily a rational one” (source: WirtschaftsWoche 2022).
My credo here would always be: let go of what doesn’t let you breathe and if something takes your breath away, then get back the freedom you want. Ultimately, we have known since the latest study results by US psychologist Matthew Killingsworth from 2023 that money (and therefore possessions) can certainly increase personal happiness, but only for people who were (and are) already happy. The effect is more comparable to a weekend off.
Ownership obliges, it binds, and in part I understand that very well, because I also feel bound to my two companies. But should the thought of captivity creep in one day, I can promise you that I will take my own words very seriously.
So my tip would be: Can you implement it? Do you want to implement it? Won’t it hurt anyone if you do it? If the answer is “Yes!” three times, then take the next steps…
Make the opportunities visible by asking others for their perspective
Of course, you can’t have everything in life. Starting a family, buying a house, starting a business or even traveling extensively all have consequences. Ultimately, you decide for yourself to what extent you want to bear them. What helps here is to talk to people who know your situation or who may even already be where you want to be.
Don’t forget:
If you’re inside the bottle, you can’t read the label from the outside, so you have to look for support to see what options are still open to you. – Kinga Bartczak
Incidentally, obtaining an external perspective has another advantage: it supports the so-called “positive cognitive reappraisal“. This is not about excessive optimism or an inflated, idealistic assessment of the situation. Rather, it is about looking at existing circumstances in a new context and taking something positive away from even difficult situations. A research team from the University Medical Center in Berlin, together with Humboldt University and the University of Mainz, has been able to prove that such a characteristic promotes one’s own resilience in a meta-analysis of 99 studies.
The path to suitable mentoring
At this point, I wouldn’t recommend jumping straight onto the world’s largest business platform and randomly asking people for mentoring, as this usually leads to rejection and resistance. These people rightly ask themselves what intensity such a commitment could mean for them in terms of time and money. Look for people with whom you have a certain connection. The same university, similar experiences, a life situation that you are both familiar with, etc. and formulate your request as precisely as possible:
State the starting point of your request, build a personal bridge to the person in question and only ask for advice, not for direct support. The inhibition threshold for responding is much lower and ultimately I have found that most people are quite willing to help if it doesn’t cost them much effort. If, contrary to expectations, they don’t answer you after all:
Return your message in a friendly manner and then look for another interesting person to get in touch with. If you don’t hear back, it has nothing to do with you. At this point, respect the individual life and work situation of this person, who may have their own challenges to overcome.
Relocation as an opportunity
Sometimes a change of environment – be it the city or the professional environment – can open new doors. This is a tip for the more flexible readers of this article: cities like Stuttgart, Leipzig or Krefeld could be the next stepping stone for your career. If you then play in the Champions League in these cities, bear in mind that you will start again in the regional league in much larger cities. These often have a different dynamic, different events, different networks and different opportunities. There is also an exciting study on this from the auditing and consulting firm EY (Ernst & Young) from 2022 with over 2,000 students. Jan-Rainer HinzMember of the Management Board and Head of Human Resources at EY, commented on this:
“In recent years, a lively start-up scene has developed in Berlin in particular, which is one of the best in Europe. The young companies can offer students an interesting entry into the professional world, where they quickly take on a relatively high level of responsibility. The same applies to other major cities such as Hamburg and Munich.” (Source: EY press release 06.01.23).
However, I deliberately do not write about “better or worse locations” when talking about relocation. This should be assessed individually and of course you have to be able to feel comfortable in a city. I can only report from my own experience that my life in Aachen was wonderful and I think back to this beautiful city with great pleasure. Compared to Cologne, these two cities are worlds apart in terms of professional and entrepreneurial opportunities, despite the short distance. However, if you are reading this and thinking to yourself: “Moving is out of the question for me personally, I feel comfortable where I am right now”, then I am very happy for you. After all, such a place is not always easy to find. Perhaps it would be exciting for you to pick out 2-3 events that will lure you out of your familiar surroundings with new perspectives, ideas and people, so that you can take some of the energy with you without having to sacrifice your own oasis of peace. After all, we often invest a lot of time in making good professional decisions, but we shouldn’t forget that:
Don’t make only business decisions, make happiness decisions too – They have way more impact on your life, than the first ones. – Kinga Bartczak
My conclusion
I hope my article has inspired you to think more about the extent to which courage, self-reflection and a little curiosity encourage you to occasionally leave the beaten track and experience the magic trick of “life” anew.
Of course, there are life-long obligations that you sometimes can’t avoid, but you don’t have a second chance at another life. So why not take advantage of all the opportunities we have? Maybe it’s not one of my tips, but volunteering, taking part in mentoring at your company or having a good conversation on a bench in a nearby park. In any case, there is no shortage of opportunities for a little “surprise”, at least if we actively look for them.
For me at least, writing this article has helped me not only to put my mobile device aside, but to switch it off completely and I imagine that the article has made you think or smile at one point or another, which is more than I ever wanted to achieve with my written contributions.
If you have the time, I’d like to invite you to do a little reflective exercise for the day with my final question:
How much motivation and surprise is actually in my life and how can I invite it into my life again and again?
Remember: as long as you admire the lives of others via social media, you will create little that is admirable in your own life.
What would be considered “admirable” is of course entirely up to you.
