As a consultant and trainer, one of my greatest privileges is to gain an insight into completely different companies, their culture and the associated team structure. What interests me most here is not just the communication, motivation mechanisms or resilience factors of the teams, but above all how the topic of “leadership” is dealt with systemically.
When I hear the word “leadership”, I am often reminded of old management concepts that are brought out of mothballs, leadership myths that are unabashedly sold as the only truth or completely outdated tools that are always the same and cannot be adapted.
At this point, however, I would like to give the topic of “leadership” a special role, especially in the context of female empowerment. Leading and motivating other people – whether at work, in the family or in our immediate circle of acquaintances – is not always glamorous. I’m not thinking about high-end trouser suits, expensive bags and beautiful business photos on your LinkedIn page. Rather, I’m thinking about the challenges that come with it, which can make you quite lonely at the “top”. This is a topic that should be discussed in the area of “female empowerment”.
Today I want to share with you (the sometimes uncomfortable truth about) what it means to be an authentic and courageous leader, the first point of which I’ve already teased out.
Content
12 tips on how to make the topic of “(self-)leadership” come alive for you
1. leadership and loneliness often go hand in hand
Leadership often means taking the first step – alone. You usually see the “big picture” here, which your family, colleagues or circle of acquaintances often don’t want to understand. As a manager, you are constantly making decisions that others cannot always understand and taking on responsibilities that no one can and/or wants to share with you. The loneliness that comes with this is often very challenging, but it also offers you the opportunity to get to know yourself better and experience which framework conditions promote your leadership qualities and which personalities you would prefer to have at your side.
Practical tip:
If you are now asking yourself: What is the best way to combat loneliness here, I have an exciting practical tip for you: Have a positive inner dialog. Write down every morning (or evening) how you can motivate and encourage yourself – as if you were your own best friend. We all know that our inner critic is usually far too harsh on us. So if there is a lack of opportunities or people on the outside who can support you in gaining more confidence and strength on the inside, an inner dialog can have a good leverage effect.
Did you know?
According to a study by the Harvard Business Review (2021) 30% less stressed. Inner dialog is therefore not just a form of affirmation, but has a real impact on our inner well-being.
2. solve problems instead of complaining about their occurrence
A tip that I would like to shout out into the world in many a political discourse. Efficient leadership focuses on solutions, not problems. Optimism is not a naïve attitude, but a skill that can be trained. It is always about looking at the problem from different perspectives and, if possible, avoiding its recurrence in the future by taking preventative measures. On the other hand, those who only focus on how the problem came about and lose sight of the solution usually tend to adopt “avoidance strategies”, which tend to consist of concealing difficulties, blaming them on other people/circumstances or ignoring them altogether.
Practical tip:
Use the 10/90 rule: devote 10% of your time to analyzing the problem and 90% to finding a solution. This shifts your focus towards progress. If the problem arises again, all the better: this gives you the opportunity to take your problem-solving skills to the next level by drawing on previous experience to find further solutions.
Did you know?
Focusing on solutions rather than problems is also confirmed by an exciting study by the Fraunhofer IAO and the German Society for Human Resource Management (“Leadership in the new normal”). The study emphasizes that managers in the hybrid working world should focus more on communication and proactively develop solutions for new challenges.
3. respect is not a one-way street: it is earned, not demanded
Even if we cannot override all hierarchies and are sometimes bound by certain (social) expectations in business or private life, there should be agreement that respect does not come from a title, but from a person’s behavior. Honest feedback, transparent communication and living your values create trust and respect. If you want to be treated with respect and honesty by others, you must first exemplify these values yourself to show that this will not result in a loss of face or status. Those who have discovered the concept of “thought leadership” have long since followed this credo, because people need opportunities to develop and trust – they do not need to be led with a “hard hand” and constantly controlled (keyword: micromanagement).
Practical tip:
Use the so-called “warm shower” (also known as an appreciation shower ) to give sincere feedback to the people around you. This is not about flat compliments, but about more in-depth feedback on the person and their behavior/work.
Important:
Spare yourself the “constructive criticism”. In a world full of criticism, you want to give yourself and your counterpart the opportunity to hear only positive things for a few minutes in a warm shower. You’ll see, it works wonders!
Did you know?
The importance of appreciation is highlighted in a meta-study by the Institute for Leadership Culture in the Digital Age (IFIDZ). This study identifies appreciation as one of the most important leadership skills in the digital age.
4. use the influence of a strong network
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with – at least that’s what the well-known US entrepreneur and motivational speaker Jim Rohn says.
Even if I’m not necessarily a fan of various motivational gurus, I can’t help but admit that my environment also has a big influence on me. Supportive relationships can strengthen you, while negative influences can cause you to stumble. In the FemalExperts podcast, I clearly emphasize this point because, quite honestly, no one in my family and immediate environment popped the champagne corks when I founded my company – quite the opposite.
Practical tip:
Do an “inner circle analysis”: Who is part of your closest circle? Do you trust these people and their advice? Who else inspires you? Who holds you back? Focus on the people who help you grow. Of course, you can’t simply cut yourself off from family and friends, and I wouldn’t recommend doing so if that’s not what you want. Perhaps you should discuss business ideas with other, motivating personalities and private topics with your loved ones?
Alternatively, you can of course also decide to limit contact a little or, if there is a strong headwind, ask the question: “Where are these worries/thoughts coming from? – Because I feel quite confident in my plan.” In this way, you can find out what needs are behind the actual criticism.
5 “Walk the Talk”
Your values in your private life are also reflected in your professional leadership behavior. Integrity means that what you say and what you do are consistent with each other. There are plenty of managers who claim to have “flexible” working hours and then sit in the office until late in the evening and, in the worst case, make fun of colleagues who have left early for personal reasons. We can set a much better example here in terms of “female empowerment” by practicing what we preach. After all, the values shouldn’t just be a nice “claim” in neon letters above the desk, should they?
Practical tip:
Ask yourself regularly: “Are my actions in line with my values?” Being honest with yourself is the key to greater trust and credibility – not only in yourself, but also in others.
6. having difficult conversations: Growth requires courage
Change rarely happens in the comfort zone. Courageous conversations are often the key to growth – for you and your team. I know no one wants to give notice, criticize the work of others or create pressure in a project as the deadline approaches, but sometimes these conversations are inevitable to get through the “growing pains” and move forward.
My credo here is always:
“Be hard on the facts, but soft on the people.”
Practical tip:
If you need to have a difficult conversation, plan a fixed date for it. Prepare yourself by clearly formulating what you want to achieve and remain appreciative. If pressure is applied in the context of an agile project, always use the retrospective as an appointment, as the saying goes:
“If you drive your people from KPI to KPI, you teach them to think from paycheck to paycheck.” So take a look at the timeline together as a team, perhaps there will be opportunities to avoid coming under pressure again in the next project so that the team remains resilient and healthy in the long term.
7. your emotions do not determine your actions
Whether as a manager or in the context of your own “self-management”, it is important to allow emotions without letting them determine your actions. In addition to your role as an innovator, you are always a kind of “anchor” for your team, which means that you should embody stability and security. That doesn’t mean you can’t show any emotion, but let’s be honest; what’s the point if the team knows that you’re not in the mood for the customer, are too tired to read your project manager’s weekly report or don’t want to deal with the company’s annual balance sheet? – In situations like these, it’s important to be able to act and not let your emotions get the better of you.
Practical tip:
If you feel overwhelmed, focus on transparency: let your team know why you may be behaving differently and show that it’s not up to them. This builds trust but, as described above, has its limits. Always try to consider whether it is helpful to reveal your emotions. Most of us are not heart surgeons, which means that no matter how bad it seems right now, if we don’t address the problem until tomorrow, no lives will have been put at risk. If transparency, taking a deep breath and moving on don’t help, you can pull yourself out for a moment and indulge in procrastination as long as you find your way back.
8. adaptability: the key to long-term success
Change is inevitable – but how you react to it makes all the difference. Adaptability is one of the most sought-after qualities of modern women leaders. If you haven’t already clicked on the FemalExperts podcast, you should also listen to this topic. Cognitive flexibility, in my opinion an absolute game changer in business and one of the completely underestimated future skills.
Practical tip:
If something unexpected happens, ask yourself three questions:
- What can I control and what not?
- What can I learn?
- How can I react in order to emerge stronger in the future if the situation should repeat itself?
9. the best leadership trait – actively promoting the development of others
Authentic leadership does not mean gathering people around you who follow you and talk at you, but inspiring others to become leaders themselves. I hate to say it, but:
Nobody needs your “mini-me”. The best leaders can be recognized by the fact that people grow in their presence, develop, make mistakes, gain confidence and perhaps even move on. Yes, a resignation doesn’t always mean “I’m against you”. Sometimes it’s more like: “Now I can spread my wings and fly on, thank you.” And that needs to be encouraged. A balance of demands, encouragement and trust can be a decisive factor here.
Practical tip:
If you see potential in your environment/team, delegate one of your tasks to this person. Set clear goals and encourage them to find their own way.
Important:
Guiding is okay, patronizing is not. If you give trust, you also have to expect that the person may stumble or take on and solve the task in a completely different way than you might have done yourself. Who knows, maybe this will give you another opportunity to become a learner instead of a teacher.
10. speed as a competitive advantage
I think it’s absolutely clear to all managers: speed counts in today’s world. Decisions and their swift implementation determine how quickly you and your team make progress. If you ask other managers what their most important quality in the job is, you will find that “making decisions” is very high on their list.
Practical tip:
If something takes less than five minutes, do it immediately. This avoids procrastination and speeds up your workflow. If you find it difficult to make decisions, get an expert (depending on the subject area) to support you in your decision-making process. This person will have a different perspective and may be able to take a more detailed look at the content of the challenge, while you yourself may be hovering on a meta-level.
11. set priorities
This tip is so simple and yet it is one of the indicators that often causes many (especially self-employed women) to stumble, because success comes from setting clear priorities. This means consciously saying “no” to unimportant tasks so as not to lose sight of the really relevant goals.
Practical tip:
If you’re feeling a little caught out now and would rather clean your apartment instead of writing that important email or doing your tax return, use the “reset strategy”.
This means taking stock of all your tasks, because sometimes procrastination only really kicks in when we feel completely overwhelmed by the seemingly endless to-do list. Perhaps the Eisenhower matrixto prioritize your tasks. Focus on the important things and delegate or cross out the rest.
12. (Self-)leadership is a lifelong journey
Just like learning, love or health, leadership is not a one-off task, but a daily practice that needs to be developed and constantly reinvented. Be open, courageous and willing to keep learning and you will find that the loneliness (from point 1) does not disappear completely, but the shared journey with others makes it much more bearable.
Practical tip:
Set yourself a personal development goal each month, e.g. to improve the way you deal with feedback, to promote mental health in the team or to work on joint communication. Don’t forget: Evaluate your progress (with your team) and see if there are still opportunities to make some adjustments.
How we do justice to the lifespan of our team
For me, leadership and female empowerment form a completely natural symbiosis and I would very much like us to focus even more on the mechanisms that really work and enable you and your team to achieve the necessary efficiency without sacrificing motivation or energy levels.
I never tire of repeating that people who choose us as managers and/or the company “give” us the most important thing they have: Not their know-how, not their experience (these are the famous “cherries on the sundae”), but their lifetime – and we should try to do justice to this lifetime every day as managers.
