Each of us would probably say that our experiences shape us and that each of them was important for us to learn and develop from.
Sometimes, however, there is that one private or professional decision that we have made, the outcome of which we accept, but with which we still struggle years later. This is exactly where self-sabotage begins.
This decision simply does not let us go and through our regrets and brooding we involuntarily sabotage ourselves and keep the past thereby alive.
But how can we deal with seemingly “bad” decisions and experiences from the past, so that these not permanently discourage risk-taking in the future?
The good news is: our thoughts do not reflect reflects the reality.
I need to elaborate a little on this.
We think because of our natural human Development counterfactual.
This means we go for decisions that we make in the past have met, automatically countless alternatives through. Basically, this is a wonderful feature. So we learn from past mistakes and can in the future, based on this experience, make better decisions.
Advantages and disadvantages of the counterfactual way of thinking
For example, if we were not mentally present at all times in English class in the past, but now need this language skill in a professional context, we can draw on our experiential learning experiences. We know which part (grammar, language, writing, etc.) may have been easier for us and which disruptive factors kept us from learning. In this way, we act out countless possibilities (that did not occur) from the past and thereby learn how we can better succeed in learning English in the future.
Unfortunately, however, the game of counterfactual thinking also has a decisive disadvantage: it tempts us to “think apart” processes, and in this area we women are true champions.
This is not about individual events or minor Circumstances that let us spin alternative scenarios. Here will Questions of principle posed, but of no valuable use for the present or have a future.
- “Why did I marry this man?”
- “Why did I get the job offer 15 years ago. not accepted?”
- “Why didn’t I choose to study the. Engineering Decided?”
- “Why didn’t I do the training first ended before I fulfilled my desire to have children?”
These are just a few examples of questions that ultimately cannot provide a useful answer. The danger here is to to “get caught up” in his own thoughts. This can lead not only to an inner paralysis, but in the worst case can also lead to depression, because you Suddenly feel helpless, at the mercy and in his current life as a prisoner of its own circumstances.
This condition entails that we feel undermined in our mental autonomy, which in turn leads to the weakening of our self-efficacy.
How can we stop self-sabotage?
At this point, let’s return to my initial question:
How do we “outsmart” our thoughts so that in the future we can also to move forward courageously and to be able to take small as well as big risks?
From the previously described state of inner Fragmentation is often found through forms of mindfulness (e.g. in the form of of meditation), a change of perspective and professional support a Way out.
It important that so-called “mind wandering”. (mind wandering) and to observe it mindfully. So instead of negative scenarios, you let them walk through the spiritual gates, Views them from a distanced perspective and sees them off again. This is how you learn the state called “monkey mind” in Buddhism to better accept the inner turmoil and comes out of the thought spiral calmly and prudently. The associated “detachment” or also With constant practice, switching off mentally becomes more and more successful and leads to this, that even disturbing noises fade into the background and the concentration is increased.
Change of perspective:
The change of perspective is the most important indicator. By we learn to step back from our own thoughts, we discover suddenly other facets that we had not noticed before.
The coaching process is no different. The Self-distancing is therefore a targeted option here, (inner) To face conflicts more confidently.
In this process, over time, one realizes that thoughts are are just what they are: Thoughts and nothing more. Our reality we create from it ourselves.
Not for nothing it is said:
Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’ll be right either way.Henry Ford
A change of perspective additionally helps to recognize, describe and ultimately expose one’s own thoughts. Behind this are often feelings (e.g. fear, anger, sadness, etc.) that we are regularly confronted with and wish to deal with confidently (keyword: resilience).
Now I had described at the beginning that the human being counterfactual and that he also tends not always to do so. to its advantage.
When mediation and the taking of various perspectives do not generate a positive response and you feel in your The world of thought is constantly in a duel with its own inner critic, so coaching can offer a good solution possibility.
We no longer live in a world in which our way is inevitably determined (predetermined). We are constantly on the lookout for our place in the world. Once we have found it, we notice sometimes that the framework conditions have changed and we are again challenged to decide how we want to live our lives.
In such internal, if not existential, crises, in to which we feel at the mercy of life, because of the countless possibilities are confused and notice for themselves that our previous If solution strategies do not work, coaching can provide clarity.
Unlike the people we trust, a coach is unbiased. The client’s decision does not affect him/her, nor does it an impact on his life. Accordingly, it is not always advisable, to seek advice within the family or among acquaintances, because this is always given on the basis of one’s own values and convictions and is therefore not always selfless. A coach works independently of both. Him is only interested in how close his clients have come to achieving their goal and which feeling they associate with this.
In this way, we circumvent the negative consequences of the counterfactual thinking, recognize beliefs that are our own Limit self-worth and learn to make decisions with confidence and courage. meet At the same time, we manage to avoid the excitement and anxiety associated with these to accept and let go.
Professional support can therefore be provided in an instant of personal and professional development can be the key to be able to desperately searched within himself for years.
And should you notice after a few years that the key no longer fits, so you have the choice every day to re decide Whether through meditation, a steady change of perspective and/or a professional coaching – you decide, because your life, you can only live yourself.
My coaching offer
Would you like to get a sneak peek of coaching?
I would like to give you my coaching tool “the Himawari principle” as a gift.
If you are already one step further and would like professional support on your way to professional or entrepreneurial success, please feel free to contact me and together we will work out the next action strategies to transform your wishes into concrete goals.
Do you know the process of counterfactual thinking and how to do you deal with it personally?
Have you ever used any of the above strategies used to bypass your own thought spiral and face your own fears and expectations critically?
Have you ever had professional Support sought to address a specific stage of life or career focused approach?
Feel free to share your thoughts with the community, as the Sharing together is the first step to growing together.